No Fault Divorce is a Lie
and Defending Infidelity is Hurtful
I will say this again and again about infidelity.
I know this is judgmental about infidelity,
and yet I cannot apologize for saying it.
The emotions, desires, frustrations, fears, and all that lures a person into adultery make it difficult to end the affair. It is a prison. And it can bring great pain to everyone involved. Great pain.
Some think the answer to infidelity is divorce.
And some question who caused the affair–the faithful partner or the unfaithful one.
The important thing is not to win the blame casting war. The important thing is to save the family and the marriage if possible without giving up integrity. To pursue the greatest good to the family, the children, the parents.
Ever catch your spouse in an affair?There are excuses of the following people
I hope and pray you never do. It might feel like this:
- You stop dead in your tracks and stare in shock.
- Perhaps you will want to kill the other lover. And maybe you will.
- Maybe the only things that stops you are your morals, fear you could lose your family, freedom, or life.
- And perhaps you don’t even care if you lose your life.
As you process what happened
- You may blame yourself.
- Your spouse may apologize.
- Maybe your spouse will blame you saying they were only cheating on you because you didn’t meet their needs
Now Whose Fault Is Infidelity?
Well, who cares? Probably everyone. Right?
The intruding, faulty church counselor may try to “advise” you as if he or she has your well-being in mind and wants to lead you kindly to greater success in your marriage by telling you all that you did to cause your spouse to cheat on you.
Often unknowingly, they’re enablers. They hurt more than they help. And they help almost nobody.
Whose Fault is Infidelity Really?
The actual rule of the wedding vow is this:
- You make a promise.
- You keep a promise.
It really is that simple and that correct, if we can only accept the obvious.
What Is That Wedding Promise?
Usually the wedding vows of a real wedding before God and man include this:
- I take you, _______, to be my wedded (husband/wife)
- to have and to hold from this day forward
- for better or worse
- for richer or poorer
- in sickness and in health
- to love and to cherish
- ’til death do us part.
That is for a real marriage.
How about giving this a “promise made, promise kept”?
Pseudo Marriages
Real weddings are for people with real love and real grit. They’re for people with the morals, ethics, integrity, sincerity to make and keep promises.
But many people simply don’t have the courage or maturity for sincere love.
So what are their pseudo or fake weddings like?
- They have all the outward appearance of a wedding.
- And, they hope for the magic of the universe to smile on them.
- Friends wish that love will follow them all the days of their life.
- Funny speeches are given.
- But nobody promises perseverance, endurance, love, or grit.
- And if the couple parts by and by, they may bid one another adieu with blessings for many more relationships to come.
But We Have Excuses for Infidelity
You might be surprised by who offers these excuses:
- The faithful spouses
- The unfaithful spouses
- The meddlers in the family, church, and counselor’s office.
So, what are these excuses, and what purposes do they serve?
Excuses of the Faithful Spouse
- I did not want the divorce but my spouse divorced me anyway.
- I did not want the divorce by my spouse was dangerously violent and made it impossible or dangerous to maintain the marriage.
- I did not want the divorce, but my spouse was constantly adulterous, and I did not want to catch a deadly disease and leave the children orphaned.
Do they sound like reasonable excuses? If so,
- Why do some people say divorce is both spouse’s fault?
- And why do some people enable the bad spouse by blaming the faithful?
- Why do the government and the people lie and say “no fault”?
Excuses of the Unfaithful Spouse
- Don’t I have a RIGHT to be happy?
- I just don’t love him or her anymore.
- I cannot pretend to FEEL what I don’t feel.
- My spouse did not meet my needs.
- Why should we stay together when we’re (or I’m) miserable?
- Isn’t it better for the children if we divorce than stay together and fight?
- I don’t feel loved or respected because I don’t get what I want when I want it, delivered on a silver platter on command every time.
- My new lover makes me feel more loved.
So, they play the harlot on their marriage. The honor of their word is worthless. And their promises to love the children are empty. But they feel the children will be resilient if the faithful spouse can handle rejection like a mature adult. (and not cry or object or fight it or complain or express disapproval.)
Excuses of the Onlookers
Often the onlookers try to help but end up being supporters or enablers of adultery defending the unfaithful and their actions.
They can unite, judge, and blame the faithful, the hurt, the heartbroken. And if these poor counselors don’t do that, the unfaithful will simply leave and go to a different church that will defend them. Then churches wonder why their congregation is so unethical, sinful, and hard to deal with.
Surely God could not have been insincere in Revelations 21:8.
Or Ezra 10.
The Solution
Take God at His Word. Deliver on the wedding vows.
Make a commitment never to violate any of the wedding vows outwardly or inwardly. Stay true to them all as if it were tantamount to being faithful to God. Because it is.
When you play the harlot on your spouse, you play the harlot on God.
When you, as a church member or counselor, pimp for the unfaithful and mistreat the faithful and heartbroken, you do that to God and you blame Him for the sin that nailed Jesus to the cross.
I hope and pray you will refrain from blaming the abandoned spouse.
