In searching for the terrors of no fault divorce, I wanted to know what terrified people most when they received divorce papers, so I asked ChatGPT this question:
What is the greatest fear or terror for a person receiving divorce papers and for their children and the family?
ChatGPT said:
The greatest fear or terror for someone receiving divorce papers, and for their children and family, can vary, but there are common, deeply unsettling emotions that many experience:
For the Person Receiving Divorce Papers:
- Fear of Abandonment: Someone leaving suddenly often triggers feelings of abandonment, betrayal, rejection, and loneliness.
- Fear of the Unknown: Divorce brings with it tremendous uncertainty. Questions about the future—financial security, living arrangements, child custody, and the emotional toll—can cause paralyzing anxiety. The stability of their life is suddenly shattered.
- Fear of Financial Ruin: Divorce often means splitting assets and taking on financial burdens like alimony, child support, and legal fees. Losing financial security and facing economic hardship can strike fear, particularly for the spouse who may need financial support.
- Fear of Losing Parental Rights: One of the most intense fears is losing custody of their children or having their relationship with their children diminished. The prospect of not being present in their child’s daily life can be heart-wrenching.
- Fear of Stigma and Shame: Divorce can carry a social stigma, especially if family, friends, or the community are judgmental. There’s often a fear of being blamed, looked down upon, or ostracized for the failure of the marriage.
For the Children:
- Fear of Losing Both Parents: Children often fear that if one parent is leaving, they might lose both. Even in shared custody situations, the emotional loss of family unity and security is traumatic. Children may also fear abandonment by the parent who initiates the divorce.
- Fear of Blame: Many children internalize divorce and believe it’s their fault. They may fear that their behavior or actions led to the separation, leading to guilt and emotional distress.
- Fear of the Unknown: Just like the parents, children face significant uncertainty. Their living situation, school, friends, and routines might change drastically, causing a loss of stability. Children often worry about where they will live and how often they’ll see the other parent.
- Fear of Conflict: Children may feel caught in the middle or forced to choose sides. This can lead to intense emotional strain as they try to navigate their parents’ animosity.
- Fear of Losing Identity and Security: Divorce can make children question the stability and identity of their family unit. They may no longer feel secure, and instead feel confusion and deep grief over the loss of the family they once knew.
For the Family:
- Fear of Fragmentation: Divorce often breaks apart extended family bonds as well. Relatives may fear losing contact. They may worry about how family traditions, gatherings, and relationships will be affected.
- Fear of Emotional Fallout: Family members often worry about the emotional impact on the children, the divorcing spouses, and themselves. There’s a deep concern about long-term mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, or alienation that could arise from the divorce.
- Fear of Generational Impact: Families often worry about the long-term consequences of divorce, particularly on children. They may fear that children will suffer academically, socially, and emotionally, and even that the cycle of divorce could repeat in future generations.
These fears revolve around loss—loss of stability, relationships, financial security, and identity—and can deeply affect everyone involved in a divorce.
Vision of NoDivorces
The Mission of NoDivorces.com: Fighting Injustice and Strengthening Families
At NoDivorces.com, our purpose is clear: to strip the terror, injustice, and unfairness from today’s divorce laws and practices. We aim to strengthen families so that divorce becomes the rare exception, not the norm.
Making No-Fault Divorce Laws Irrelevant
Changing laws can be controversial and slow, sometimes taking decades. But we believe that it’s possible to make no-fault divorce laws irrelevant by challenging the mindset and behaviors that fuel them. Our goal is to shift the culture, promoting integrity and commitment, rather than letting divorce be the easy escape for discomfort and dissatisfaction.
Protecting Victims While Defending Marriage
We aren’t advocating for forcing couples to stay together at all costs, especially in cases of abuse, infidelity, or situations that would be dangerous or irresponsible. Divorce may be necessary when those lines are crossed. But marriage is not just a gamble of good fortune—it’s a serious commitment, a promise made by people with grit, love, and integrity.
Children deserve parents who love each other faithfully. They need the security of a loving, stable family. Yet, too often, vows are discarded not because of real harm but simply because one person is uncomfortable, inconvenienced, or not getting what they want.
Defending Promises, Not Selfishness
In today’s culture, we see people fiercely defending foolishness, selfishness, cowardice, and irresponsibility, all in the name of “rights.” But what value does a person who breaks promises bring? If someone can’t keep their word in marriage, what assurance do we have that they’ll keep other promises, like loving their children faithfully after a divorce?
The Flawed Defense of No-Fault Divorce
Defenders of no-fault divorce cite infidelity, violence, or the supposed inability to prove guilt as reasons for its existence. They claim it reduces acrimony and expensive court battles. Some even cherry-pick data, pointing to a slight decrease in women’s suicide rates between 1976 and 1985 to justify this law. But why focus only on those specific years, when no-fault divorce began in 1969 and continues today?
And why only highlight women’s suicide rates? What about men and, most importantly, the children? Aren’t they just as significant?
At NoDivorces.com, we challenge these excuses. We believe marriage is worth defending and that we can, together, build stronger families and a healthier society.Take Away
Personal Experience: The Pain of Divorce
The Pain of Divorce
I’ve lived the terror of divorce. Twenty-three years ago, I received my divorce papers. And furthermore, since that time, I watched loved ones endure the same deep, painful experience.
Restoring Integrity in Marriage
My mission is to create clear agreements for couples. These agreements call them to live out the vows they made—honestly and with integrity. It’s about keeping promises, not just making them.
Counselors Need to Do Better
Those who advise or intervene in marriages must do better. Too many offer harmful advice, enabling bad behavior. If they can’t stand for the faithful and their children, they should step aside.
Rejecting False Blame
Blame doesn’t always belong to both spouses. Questions like “What did you do to make him drink?” are dangerous and irresponsible. Vows already account for the hard times—marriage means honoring those promises.
Exposing the Lies
“Irreconcilable differences” is a lie. Marriages survive those same differences every day. Furthermore, “No-fault divorce” itself lies. There is always fault when a marriage ends. And there is nearly always hope of restoring the marriage. Often, all it takes is grit, love, sincerity, and integrity.
Confronting the Cowardice
The real cowards are those who defend no-fault divorce. Judges, attorneys, and counselors who support it are complicit in destroying families. These lies must be uprooted.
My Mission
I am here to expose the lies and stand for the innocent. It’s time to defend integrity and save marriages. The future of families depends on it.
What are the arguments against this effort?
Faulty Arguments
The arguments defending no-fault divorce are deeply flawed. Let’s break them down, step by step, and expose the truth.
The Sexism Card
To begin with, some claim that removing no-fault divorce would harm women’s rights. However, the reality is different. This law was created by a California State Assemblyman who wanted to leave his wife of 25 years for another woman—without facing the financial consequences of a fault-based divorce. In short, it wasn’t about protecting women; it was about protecting his own interests.
The Fear of Trapping Victims
Next, another argument suggests that removing no-fault divorce would trap victims of violence or infidelity who can’t prove their case. But this view distorts the truth. The fact is, people need to be accountable for the vows they take. While protecting real victims is essential, this can be done through evidence and justice, not by allowing an easy exit for anyone who feels unhappy. No-fault divorce does not solve this problem—it creates new ones by undermining accountability.
The False Promise of Amicable Divorce
Furthermore, some argue that fault-based divorce leads to bitter disputes and false accusations, eliminating any hope for future reconciliation. But, in reality, making divorce more difficult discourages people from entering marriage lightly. Marriage is not a casual arrangement; it’s a solemn, lifelong commitment—a promise to God, family, and children. If someone isn’t prepared to handle that responsibility, they shouldn’t marry. Dismissing this as “old-fashioned” doesn’t make it any less valid.
Responsibility and Ethics
Moreover, no ethical person should expect the government to shield them from the consequences of breaking their vows. It is also wrong to support the use of false accusations or restraining orders to punish an innocent spouse. In most cases, restraining orders do little to stop truly violent individuals—they often serve only to harm the faithful and the innocent.
A Return to Sanity
Ultimately, we need a return to sanity in how we approach marriage. Those who value justice, family, and children will respect and honor marriage vows. Our mission is clear: we will work to nullify no-fault divorce laws. We aim to build a movement that makes these unjust laws irrelevant and, eventually, remove them from the legal system entirely.
While pursuing this mission, we will also encourage the promotion of love, faithfulness, honor, and commitment. These values will strengthen marriages and protect families for generations to come.
