How Resilient Are Children Really?
Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.
- Children will be fine in a divorce if the adults handle it maturely.
- Children are resilient.
- Children are better off with a divorce than fighting.
Do you buy it?
Or do adults tell themselves these lies to comfort themselves while children suffer?
Comforting themselves while they hurt their children’s basic needs?
- emotional needs?
- psychological needs?
- physical needs?
- a secure foundation of deep, committed family love?
- a model of faithfulness?
- competence in honoring wedding and family vows?
- a healthy childhood in a loving family?
Perhaps half of all children go through this today and many survive.
Is survival good enough for your children?
Children survive. Not all, but many.
Many survive rape, beating, torture, robbery, too.
Is that enough for them, too?
Some parents don’t care. But good parents agonize for their children.
And bad parents are OK with that.
After all, they have excuses to comfort themselves.
If you have a bad spouse who is violently abusive or sexually unfaithful and decides to divorce you,
your best hope may be to develop strong, wise, coping skills. Don’t depend on the court system to help you. Don’t depend emotionally on justice. Prepare to be strong as you go through a gauntlet of unrequested, unethical attacks on your sanity and your view of what’s fair.
It may take a tremendous amount of coping skills to maintain peace and wisdom and to help your children make it through in the best way possible.
Again, the promise that children will be resilient is a lie the unfaithful tell themselves so they will feel less of the pain they bring to the children and the entire family.
It will be your job to learn to cope with injustice.
And that will most likely be hard. Very hard. You must be strong, maintain your hope, your faith, your wisdom, and love and rise above it all.