What are my Qualifications?

By Dan

Absolutely nothing at all.

  • Q: What are my university degrees?
    A: Mathematics with a minor in physics and studies in computer science.
  • Q: Am I a psychologist or counselor?
    A: No, not at all.
  • Q: What career did I have most of my life?
    A: Computer geek. Systems, Databases, Software Engineering, Support, Management.
  • Q: What qualifications DO you have?
    A: I care. I experienced a bad and good marriage. I’m a dad of both a boy and a girl. I read lots of books and studied lots of audio and videotapes on marriage. I experienced depression and anxiety and the hard psychological effects such stress can be on a person’s memory and ability to function or avoid foolish decisions. I lived through a lot. But so did perhaps half of the population.

But what benefit do qualified professional counselors and psychologists bring to those in the throes of depression, betrayal, abuse, divorce, and injustice?

Actually much. Sometimes.

When Qualified Professionals Help

Some people like to focus on the problems or the harm they experienced working with a psychologist, counselor, or psychiatrist.

  • They speak of the motive that a professional might have to prolong treatment for money.
  • They speak of dredging up the long forgiven betrayals of the past.
  • They say they were forced to make agreements which were quickly broken.
  • They say they fought more after each session than before.
  • They learn that few ever really save a marriage.
  • They say medical psychiatry is a series of experiments and not a science.

So, then, when and how do professionals help?

Some say professionals help when they focus on solutions rather than problems. Some call this Solution-Oriented Brief Therapy or SOBT.

SOBT asks what you were doing immediately before things started to get better. Am I qualified to lead someone through that? No. But many professionals are. And I’ve experienced going through SOBT myself when dealing with anxiety and depression following my divorce almost 20 years ago.

Michele Weiner-Davis is a strong evangelist for SOBT in her books on Divorce Busting. She suggests trying various techniques such as the “As If” technique where you act as if your spouse were behaving the way you would want him or her to behave.

But again, she is a licensed family counselor, and I am not. I am just a guy who went through years of study and agony of real-life struggles in my first marriage.

But as unqualified as I am, if there is anything I can do to help others not have to go through the agony of losing their marriages or their parents' or childrens' marriages, I would like to help!

And I can make websites!