NoDivorces – A Painful Start

My first wife and I fell in love and married in 1990. Like most marriages, ours was full of joy and turmoil. We had a beautiful daughter, a gorgeous home in Pleasanton, and a wonderful relationship with our in-laws.

Then we learned my wife had bipolar disorder, and things became wild in our marriage. She was seeing another man. And eventually, she divorced me to be with him.

I strongly disapproved of the breakup and started nodivorces.com as a way to tell the devil that if he was going to wreck our marriage, it would cost him in many marriages being saved in return. However, instead of starting nodivorces.com as a helpful website, it began more as an angry rant with social media groups of people commiserating.

Our group had “standers”, those standing in prayer for their wayward spouses. Some were recent divorcees while others were standing for thirty years or longer. We had family court attorneys, and one family court mediator who left her career to write a book called Stolen Vows.

Some were Catholic and seemed to feel everyone must become Catholic. Others were Baptists or Pentecostals. And I got caught in-between.

Most held tightly to a belief that a divorced person could never marry as long as their spouse was still living, even if their spouse was the one who abandoned them in adultery. Many of us did not agree.

But while people held strongly differing opinions, I did not know of any in the group whose marriage was restored. Not one.

The Angry Years

Marriage was a promise. Too many people saw it as nothing more than a happy celebration of hope. A hope that love would last and grow. A hope that beautiful, healthy children would be born, that prosperity would reign, and that love would fill the air.

But it was a promise. One’s integrity was at stake. Would one’s word be worthless or meaningful?

But surely, if one spouse broke the vows and selfishly became unfaithful, our government would step in and honorably defend the right of the faithful and their children to live together in love enjoying the shared family assets without robbery from the state or the unfaithful. Right?

Unfortunately, that turned out to be a pipe dream. No nation would seem to have that much honor. Most would rob, and wreck the faithful and pander to the ones who brought prosperity from a healthy divorce industry to the legal profession. It was a prostitution of justice.

Divorce became a cause of suicides, drug abuse, academic failure, and repeat marital failures carried down from generation to generation.

And it angered me to the point where my prayers and the prayers of many divorcees were that God’s infinite wrath would be upon the unjust.

The wedding vows were meant to be honored, and honorable people keep them always.

But anger was not a good or effective way of life. I needed to learn to love again–not just in the romantic sense, but in every honorable way one can and should love others.

Love rising from the ashes like a Phoenix

Why are marriage vows important?

Love.

Who doesn’t need love? Do you need love? Does your family? Do your children? Your parents? Your friends?

Everybody needs love.

But who can hurt you the most? And who can you hurt the most deeply?

We have all been trusted with a most deadly weapon–love. Those who love most can get hurt the most. Loving is an act of courage. Betray that trust, and you may not be trusted again.

We know there are ethics that should never be violated, and we’re angry and hurt when we are betrayed. But how can we make our relationships the most healthy, reliable, loving, and happy?

Well, that is what this website is all about.

First, we need to get ourselves and our families into good condition.

Second, when we have established our own great family life, we need to help others do the same.

There is a purpose in life beyond our own happiness, and that is to leave a legacy for future generations and to be a blessing to others around us.

I hope and pray you, and all of us will be able to have a great, blessed life of solid, undying love!

Sincerely,

Daniel J. Dick
founder of NoDivorces.com