Can Faith Save a Marriage?
Can faith save a marriage? Or is that a fantasy, an unrealistic expectation destined for disappointment and pain? Or is faith a calculated gamble on the unknown for lack of an alternate, trustworthy solution? Are we supposed to have faith in God or ourselves, or in random fate?
What do you think?
Hebrews 11:6 tells us without faith it is impossible to please God. The Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast."
But, what if we trust in a promise God never made? What if we trust in ourselves only to find our abilities were lacking and we failed? Did we lose more than we would have lost if we did not have faith? Did we set ourselves up for disappointment and pain? Or did we improve our chances of success by having faith even though it was not founded in reality?
Trusting God's Promises
If we are going to trust God or have faith in God, then we have to trust in the promises He made and not merely in the promises we would like to imagine He made. So often, when we are in pain and desperate, we like to make believe God's goodness will assure He will give us what we want, but that is not always the case. Sometimes it is even more intense than that because what we want happens to be what we believe is right. We want our spouses to be faithful, and sometimes they are not. We want to believe God is absolutely obligated to save our marriages and our families. We would like to extract a promise from Him and force God's hand by proving to Him that He is obligated and that He could not be loving or good or wise or fair or decent or kind or godly if He doesn't give us what we want. And if we're not careful, we can become disappointed, angry, bitter, and distrusting and throw God away deciding to solve the problem ourselves our way.
Faith is not easy. When things are going beautifully, there is no need for faith because we can see that everything is beautiful. Some may feel faith faces adversity and believes God will come through and give us what we want in spite of how bleak things look. But, that might be fantasy rather than faith. Faith trusts that God is doing the right thing even when there is no miracle, when a perceived need is not met, when it appears as though God has broken His Word. Faith requires the humility to realize we may not have understood His Word, and that this may be our own fault, and then faith takes on humility and trusts God, seeks God, obeys God, loves God faithfully through it all.
Psalm 66:18 tells us if we regard or cherish iniquity in our hearts, God will not hear us. So, can we cut a deal with God and be holy so that we can get our prayers answered? Well, that's not loving or trusting or having faith in God. That's attempting to serve God not out of love for God but out of hope of getting something from Him. It's seeking God's hand, not His face. To love God truly, you have to be willing to give up what you want if that is God's will. You have to love God more than all else and if God does not save your marriage, you have to be ready and desiring to love Him anyway knowing God may never come through, or He may come through later. Either way, you have to trust Him to do the best and right thing either way.
That's true love and true faith.
So, there is a catch. If you don't love God this way and if you cherish sin in your heart, He will not answer your prayers. But, if you do love God deeply and faithfully, He may still not answer your prayers, but whatever He does, He will cause all things to work together for your good, and He may very well help save your marriage or make it possible to save your marriage.
I would say it's worth a try, but with God, you cannot try. It's a full step of faith that is required with determination never to turn back. If you do turn back, then your step of faith wasn't legitimate in the first place, and that may be the source of your problem getting prayers answered.
I know this is tough because this struggle has been the story of my life and the lives of many people.