What Makes a Wedding Valid?

Humanistic Viewpoint:

One difference between animals and humans is the capacity to make promises and keep them.  Animals cannot.  Animals just do what comes naturally.  Animals have souls as do humans, but they have no spirit -- no concept of God, of religion, of morality, of right versus wrong.

As humans, we feel the need for companionship and for future generations to continue.  We know it is hard to raise a family alone and we know children need parents to provide for their needs, physical, emotional, and spiritual.  So, we create binding agreements called marriages and we make those agreements publicly accountable with ceremonies called “weddings”.

If I am sincere I must desire to give security to my family and substance to my promises and be willing to accept punishment or deprivation for the sake of the family should I fail to keep my wedding vows.  This protects the family from suffering loss unjustly.

Spiritual Viewpoint

The spiritual viewpoint of marriage takes the humanistic viewpoint and extends it to elements that are absent from the ordinary animal kingdom.  These elements involve character and our relationship with God.  A person of character, for instance, cannot lie, cannot cheat, cannot welch on his or her wedding vows.  Neither can an honest or spiritual person defend, excuse, justify, or labor to rationalize immoral, ungodly behavior knowing how this would offend God and injure society.

Promises Made

• Commitment to life long benevolence (love) to the spouse and family.
• Exclusivity of intimate relationships.
• Commitment to endure through hardship.
• Society’s Promise
• To regulate marriage for the common good to prevent incest, fraud, fear driven marriages, etc.
• To contribute to the blessing of the marriage and family in love.
• To enforce the marriage covenant and carry out sanctions honestly and faithfully to the good of all families.

Violation of the Standard

When the human spirit dies and all morality is lost, when the most socially benevolent of promises are sacrificed on the alter of selfishness, greed, and lust, we think of people as animals -- as pigs, stags, bitches, leeches, weasels, wolves, dogs, and such, and rightfully so.  No longer are these people constrained by their word or by high moral standards.  Now they merely look to see what they can get away with.

When are the Vows Valid and Binding?

A promise is morally binding when the following criteria are met:

• A promise is given freely without undue duress.
• The promise is given with sound mind.
• The terms of the agreement are understood.
• The conditions of the promise or agreement are kept.
• It is not sinful against God to keep the promise

Sanctimonious Viewpoint

I was going to call this a “religious” viewpoint, but this word has been used in a positive way so to avoid confusion I will use “sanctimonious”

The sanctimonious view point is where people try to emulate a spiritual appearance while retaining an animal-like self-centered motive.  This can be seen in those who live in unfaithfulness treating promises as though they were invalid while appealing to excuses, rationalizations, and justifications to protect oneself from the sanctions that were agreed to for the good of society.  In other situations it is the destroying of those sanctions for selfish gratification.

Honorable People and Society

Honorable people and honorable nations will

• Make these vows to protect the integrity of their family out of love.
• Live by these vows faithfully.
• Defend the vows socially against attack and apathy of the non-spiritual.

The non-spiritual will let the family die and contribute to its demise through selfish, apathetic living and defense of excuses that destroy families and lack of giving and support for ministries such as this, Family Life, Focus on the Family, Retrouvaille, Marriage Savers, and others.

In the condition our nation is in, there is no reason a marriage ministry in any church should continue year after year with substandard or nonexistent financial support unless that ministry is harmful, deceitful, and destructive.  If your church has a ministry to help save marriages, please consider getting involved and being committed to its success.

Thank you!